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Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse | The Gottman Institute



Certain negative communication styles are so lethal to a relationship that Dr. John Gottman calls them the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. They predict relationship failure with over 90% accuracy if the behavior isn’t changed. So, what can you do?

Practice these four research-based antidotes to save your relationship from certain destruction. Want to learn more? Visit www.gottman.com for more information.

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30 thoughts on “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse | The Gottman Institute
  1. In my 20 years as a marriage & family therapist, I found the 4 Horsemen matrix to be true time and time again. Toxic words and/a negative attitude towards a partner really come down to disrespecting the person, and we all that is downright wrong. Psalm 34:13 says  to: "keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies." I tell people to make a mind shift in a moment of anger; voice your feelings with kindness, but in truth. Remember to speak aloud to your spouse something about his/her character for which you are grateful. Considering others before myself can make for a far more humble and grateful heart.  With love from Your Nana

  2. This will be a great video to share with my clients. In my practice, I help couples break communication barriers that they face in their marriage and recognizing these negative patterns.

  3. These are great concepts worth going deeper in. I first read about the 4 horsemen in a very good marriage and relationship college textbook and the concept stuck with me.

  4. This video is very helpful, I have definitely showed all four of these concepts in my marriage,(married four years) I've forward it to my husband Thanks Dr. Gottman you're a blessing

  5. my gf does all these pretty well on a daily basis.. glad i saw this it gives me insight as to why i feel like ive no confindence and feel lonely most of the time and why im insecure for the first time ever in a relationship

  6. Wow… I really resonate with defensiveness. I feel like I so often resort to this because I don't want to take responsibility for my own actions. I know this is something I can work on…. very helpful!

  7. The solutions to the four horsemen: 1) talking about your feelings using “ I”statements 2. Treating one another with respect build appreciate 3. Accept responsibility even for part of the confict 4. Break for at least twenty minutes “ calm down” then return to the conversation

  8. this really helped actually because i was ina tough time in my relationship about 2 years into the relationship we kept having arguments and i was always such an idiot name calling and she would stone wall me but 2 years later and were still together with no arguments and advice like this helped

  9. Growing up, my mom criticized and stonewalled me. Then she always wanted to be on good terms with me. I see now why it was so frustrating. I'm only nice to her now because she has money and I want her to leave me a piece.

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